THE KOSHUS NEXOR

Citing the ultimate in kashruth scandals, Kosher This magazine ran a cover story relating that Avraham Avinu ate meat and dairy together and that Moshe Rabbeinu ate treif! “How could it be that such Gedolim could err so egregiously?” Kosher This magazine called it the worst kashruth scandal in over three millenia and called on Jews everywhere to stop eating food saying that was the only way to be sure that we do not eat treif!

The Vaad of Podunk Junction issued an injunction against eating oatmeal with raisins. According to the vaad, the raisins could, in some God forbid circumstances, not be raisins at all, chas v’shalom. They could be (dare we say this??) s’rutzim (bugs). Warning, danger, danger warning! Stay away from any bowl of oatmeal with raisins.

The Glatt Boys recently announced that due to customer demand, they are no longer plain, no frills Glatt anymore. Now they are going super duper Glatt with five different hashgachot. In addition, they are no longer allowing any vegetables on their well catered tables and the water they use is triple filtered and prayed over by young Yeshiva bochurim.

The rabbanut this week issued a ban on men using Cialis. According to the rabbis, if you can see Alice, she obviously is not behind a big enough mechitza, and therefore, they banned all use of Cialis. Sorry, guys.

Rabbi Shavat Chazone recently announced that due to the possible presence of dust mites in hair brushes, it is now assur to brush your hair. Reporters in Israel tell us that he is considering banning mattresses, too. As it turns out, mattresses are hot beds of infestation by dust mites. So out they go!

These breaking news stories were brought to you by the Koshus Nexor. When Jewish news break, we try to fix it!

Hope you had a great Purim!